


I'm awake all night long to the drums of the city rain

by runaway_scars



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Brotherly Love, Depression, Excessive Drinking, Frerard, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Post-MCR, Songfic, post-MCR breakup, post-My Chemical Romance, referenced/implied gerard way/lindsey ballato, seriously hella angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2709059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runaway_scars/pseuds/runaway_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Mikey knew, no matter how hard Gerard tried to conceal it. Neither of the Ways were ever able to talk about it, but their addictions were getting out of hand, Gerard’s fueled by the constant longing for Frank, and Mikey’s powered by emptiness and lack of direction."<br/>Or: a short one-shot inspired by a song "Brother" by Gerard Way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm awake all night long to the drums of the city rain

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first ever fanfic in English (I'm Polish if you're curious), so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes (I beta'd it myself). I hope you like it *gives you tissues* :)  
> Feel free to comment and leave any suggestions!

Gerard dialed his number with shaky hands. It was cold outside, so cold that his palms had been most likely frostbitten by then. He was alone in front of a shady bar and he had no idea how much time he had spent drinking one shot after another. The signal rang three times before it went into voicemail. Gee couldn’t blame his brother for not picking that up, after all, it was 3 in the morning.

-Hi Mikey, it’s me, uuuh, if you have a chance to pick me up…I’m kinda lost and drunk…but if you’re asleep it’s okay.

Gerard hang up and barely managed to stuff his phone back into his pocket. It was fucking freezing outside. What the hell was he thinking going out for the whole damn night? The truth is, he wasn’t thinking. He stopped thinking a long time ago when he relapsed and went back to drinking. He considered going home on foot, but he couldn’t exactly let go of a wall that he was leaning on in order not to fall. He would call a taxi but he had no money left on him. Shit. Suddenly, his phone rang and the dark-haired put it against his ear, dizzy and tired, not bothering to look at the screen.

-‘lo?

-Gerard? Where are you? – the voice on the other side sounded distressed and sleep-deprived.

-I’m, uh, near “The quarter” bar I guess…Mikey?

-Stay there, don’t go anywhere okay? I’ll be there in a minute.

Gerard put his phone in his pocket once again and sighed deeply. He couldn’t believe Mikey was actually going to pick him up just like that. His brother must have been the only person he knew who wasn’t disgusted with him and didn’t treat him patronizingly because of his drinking problem. Him and probably Lindsey, but he didn’t want to think about her then. She had no idea about anything he was feeling and it made him sick to his stomach. People were right. He couldn’t help but feel ashamed and disgusted with himself too. He made his wife cry, his daughter missed him terribly and his brother had to rescue his sorry ass from every dangerous situation he would willingly put himself into. He was pathetic. It had been bad even before the MCR break up, but after that things just went spiraling down, making his life a train wreck. Gerard desperately tried to stay sober, he really did, but eventually he lost and gave up – just like he always did. At that moment he was too drunk to care though. He just needed to get some sleep and maybe the next day he’d get better. Or get drunk off his ass again.

A car honked at him. He mindlessly got in the back seat, forgetting to lock his seatbelts. He remained completely silent for the whole time.

-Aren’t you gonna say anything? – Mikey asked after a few minute ride. The stop lights were blinking and light mist hovered above the empty road.

-I’m sorry Mikey. I really am. I don’t know what else to say – he said in a voice that sounded broken. Defeated.

Mikey looked at him in a rearview mirror. He looked like shit, but Mikey knew better than to yell at him and try to preach when Gerard could barely register his surroundings. Of course, he felt sorry for his brother for getting into this crap again and of course he would do his best to help him get out of this, but he couldn’t really babysit a grown-up man. Mostly because the man himself wouldn’t let him. Besides, the blonde wasn’t a perfect example of sobriety and coping with his own issues, either. Mikey wasn’t pissed off or anything, just bitter, because he loved his brother too much to let him do this to himself and yet he had no say in all of this, especially while being an addict himself.

-No, I meant, aren’t you gonna say anything to Lindsey? She deserves to know.

-I know and I’m sorry Mikes. – Gerard kept wailing and it sounded desperate, but somehow very earnest. 

-Don’t apologize to me. Really. Just get yourself the fuck together Gee. I know you can. You did once.

Mikey kept his eyes fixed on the roads, illuminated by an eerie, orange glow. It looked almost surreal.

-Yeah…-was simply Gee’s response and he slumped down on the seat and leaned his head against the window, watching the lampposts pass by and listening to the steady roar of the engine.

By the time they got to Mikey’s house, Gerard had fallen asleep and Mikey had to wake him up with a heavy heart.

-Come on, Gee, you’re staying at my place tonight.

The light drizzle was wetting their clothes as Mikey dragged his brother into his apartment. It was quiet and dark inside, the only source of light being an old table lamp in the long hallway. The rain started to grow stronger now, heavy drops bashing against the windows. Mikey placed Gerard on the couch in the living room and tucked him carefully in a blanket. Gerard was quiet all the time, mostly because he was too sleepy and drunk to talk, but also because his thoughts wandered to a certain person, a person he most definitely didn’t want to think or talk about. It was times like this when Gerard involuntarily remembered Frank, his image so vivid despite the blur of Gerard’s vision. He couldn’t admit it, especially not while he was sober, but fuck did he still miss him. At that thought Gerard’s stomach did a sudden, dangerous flip. No. He wasn’t allowed to even think of him. Wasn’t it that he was so blindly and desperately running away from?

Frank was gone.

Frank was in the past and the past was gone, just like MCR and Gerard’s purpose in life.

The black-haired didn’t notice when he started weeping, hot tears streaming down his face and on the pillow. He tried to calm down, tried to listen to the pouring rain, but it only made him sadder. More alone. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep that night. Just like every night before.

On the other side of the room stood Mikey, who with worried look on his face watched his brother cry on the sofa. Mikey knew, no matter how hard Gerard tried to conceal it. Neither of the Ways were ever able to talk about it, but their addictions were getting out of hand, Gerard’s fueled by constant longing for Frank and Mikey’s powered by emptiness and lack of direction. However in that moment Mikey couldn’t think about himself. Instead, he silently came over and sat on the floor, in front of lying Gerard, only to see him staring blindly at the ceiling with watery eyes. Mikey patted his brother on the shoulder, the gesture reminding him of when they were touring in a bus, Gerard having a panic attack again and Mikey having to cheer him up and talk him down for hours. It was weird how the story made a perfect circle.

-Mikes…-Gerard’s harsh voice reverberated around the pitch-black room.

-Yeah? You need anything? – Mikey was staring at his brother intently, yet his mind was drifting away.

-No, I just…I love you. I’m sorry I fuck everything up.

-I love you too – Mikey stroked his brother’s hair and gave a sad smile. – And you don’t fuck anything up, Gee. It’s alright. We’ll get through this together, okay? – In the spur of the moment, Mikey took Gerard’s hand in his, cradling it tenderly.

-Y…yeah. Okay. – The room fell silent again. Gerard’s face didn’t look sad – it looked blank, just like years ago, as if nothing had changed. They came such a long way and yet there they were, sitting together in the dark, in the dead of the night, listening to the drum of the city rain awake, just like they always did.


End file.
